13.5

So this week has been a little stressful for me. As some of you may know, this is the first week of school here at byu. And I've been contemplating my classes, probably over thinking my classes, and I've been really stewing about it all. A friend of mine was talking and he gave an analogy, saying, "You know those times when you feel like there are two doors in front of you.... and you don't know which to choose, but one may have irreversible consequences?" and I really felt like this could apply to me too.

Earlier in the week, I stumbled upon a section of good quotes in the back of my Book of Mormon teacher's packet that really got me. One of them is by Elder John Groberg, saying:

"In the past I have tried to figure out whether I should go into business or into teaching or into the arts or whatever. As I have begun to proceed along one path, having more or less gathered what facts I could, I have found that if that decision was wrong or was taking me down the wrong path -- not necessarily an evil one, but one that was not right for me -- without fail, the Lord has always let me know just this emphatically: 'That is wrong; do not go that way. That is not for you!'
"...Because he knows we need the growth, he generally does not point and say, 'Open that door and go twelve yards in that direction; then turn right and go two miles . . . ' But if it is wrong, he will let us know—we will feel it for sure. I am positive of that. So rather than saying, 'I will not move until I have this burning in my heart,' let us turn it around and say, 'I will move unless I feel it is wrong; and if it is wrong, then I will not do it.'"  (Here's the whole devotional.)
The idea of moving until we feel like we are moving in the wrong direction has stuck with me for a while. Heavenly Father loves us. He wants us to make our own decisions because we have joy in free choice. From the time we were children, we relished the chance to choose to wear that red shirt with those pink shorts, regardless of how ridiculous we looked.We often like our choices because we had the ability to make them, and we make them for good reasons.

So after many conversations with good friends and family, I think I'm starting to come to a conclusion. And maybe that means I only have 13.5 credit hours, instead of 14.5 like I wanted. And I could change my mind again, but isn't that the beauty of it? That I can choose? That divine beings have worked and sacrificed so I can say "I choose this path, and I will walk it." So I can say "I choose Christ, and I will follow Him." How beautiful is that? Is there anything more beautiful?


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